Monday, August 13, 2018
Staying Calm With a Difficult Colleague
Updated September 2026: in 2018 I wrote about being asked by a difficult delivery expert to update delivery content I knew nothing about, and choosing not to lose my temper because it would delay the bid and damage a relationship I needed. I have rewritten it into advice on staying calm with difficult colleagues.
I was annoyed when the difficult expert asked me to update delivery content I had no knowledge of. I did not object. I said I would check with my peers, but that it would help if he provided the information. I searched every source I had without success, and in the end the expert shared the information himself. I did not lose my temper, for two reasons. An outburst would have delayed the information further and invited complaints from other teams. And I would have had to keep working with him, since he oversaw the account I was assigned to.
Why is staying calm usually the better choice?
Because you still need what the other person has. Anger rarely speeds up help, and in a long working relationship, one outburst is remembered far longer than the reason for it.
How do you respond to an unreasonable request?
- Acknowledge it: without agreeing to more than you can do.
- Say what you need: "I can update this if you send the delivery details."
- Look for the information: and report back on what you found.
- Put it in writing: so the request and your answer are clear.
When is it right to push back firmly?
When a request is outside your role and repeated, or when it risks errors in the client response. Firm and calm is not the same as angry. Involve your manager if the pattern continues.
How do you manage your own frustration?
Step away briefly, write down what is bothering you, and deal with it later. A short walk before replying to a mail prevents most regrets.
Did staying calm pay off?
Yes. The information arrived, the document was finished, and I kept a working relationship on an account I would stay on.